Loss for Words

I have found myself curiously at a loss for words since I went on retreat. It may be that in the five days I was away suddenly so much had changed, not least me. I came home to friends facing all sorts of life threatening illnesses - either themselves or in close family members. Being beside them in ways that they need has not always been easy.... there is no one size fits all approach and my own sense of helplessness and grief for my friends has overwhelmed any poor words I may have to offer.

Our confirmation class is unexpectedly facing some major changes and next year will be even more challenging than usual - this I have at least learned to deal with. We know from experience that the class happens entirely in the framework that the Spirit dictates.....even when it just seems bleak to us.

The last ten days or so have brought surprising anxiety for Vetboy and Small and my assistant who are all writing exams and appear to be struggling with their course material more than I anticipated. It requires momentous effort on my part to breathe and to trust the Living God loves them even more than I do, and to allow events to unfold as they will.

My husband is travelling a lot and I miss his reassuring self.

And in this wordless, anxious place I learn that prayer does not require words. Just attention and presence.

And for this mercy I am deeply grateful.