Small Boy isn't small any more

Robin at Metanoia writes of being astonished at her son's births and made me think of my own astonishment that my own Small Boy was seventeen yesterday, and is no longer a small boy. I shall have to find a new name for him. Mostly I think that as a parent I am astonished at how fast and how thoroughly my sons have grown up, and I marvel at the change from helpless dependence to striding independence.

But none of this normal, natural growing up is what astonished me about Small Boy.

He was born some nine weeks early and I think the first time I was truly astonished by him was when we celebrated his first birthday. Up till then I think each day had been such a struggle to keep him alive that I had ceased to think about his first birthday or any other birthday. That first year was spent in hospitals and doctors rooms and blood labs and imaging centres and his survival was by no means certain. I didn't think of that though, each day was an effort dedicated to keeping him alive.

Like many premies he grew out of his difficulties and by his fourth year of school spent almost all term there. In time he grew into a fine dedicated sportsman, passionate about rugby in particular. When he went to High School it was hard to beleive that he had ever been ill. He was undoubtedly a jock.

Then he was involved in an horrific rugby accident in a match twenty two months ago and suddenly we were in a hospital waiting anxiously as doctors worked to keep him alive and prevent the swelling spinal cord from further damage that would result in permanent paralysis. This too he finally overcame and is once more fit and rushing about sports fields. Tragically never again as a player. The recovery has been long and hard and involved the loss of dreams that many of us do not experience until we are much older, and often not in so brutal a fashion.

Remembering his frightening panicky (on my part) sudden birth I am astonished that he has reached seventeen at all. I never dared to dream about his birthdays, taking each one as a gift.

Today I am delighted by his survival and courage and strength and honesty.