The reading for this morning is the feeding of the five thousand. I always find this story fantastical and for many years considered that the real miracle that Jesus wrought was changing people's hearts so that they shared in generosity what they had with their unknown neighbours rather than a simple multiplication of five loaves and two fishes.
Today I contemplated it both ways and found that all that was revealed to me was my own anxieties.
It didn't actually matter whether hearts were changed or food was miraculously multiplied.
All I am aware of is that unable to completely trust the power and love of the Living God I am frequently afraid. And the familiar Christmas words come to mind. "To a people who lived in darkness, a light is given". It is disturbing to realize how much anxiety I live with daily. No wonder gratitude is hard to come by. Those who ate that evening on a grassy Galilean hillside were present to Jesus, hearing his teachings, sharing in his compassion. The Gospel doesn't say how the people responded, only that Jesus loved them and cared for their needs.
Perhaps even now He has compassion on me and will meet my needs, so that my legion of anxieties are unnecessary.
As human beings, such generosity of spirit, especially to one's self, is almost impossible. But for Jesus, we just need to trust against all odd, that Jesus loves us, just as we are. And sometimes that trust is the food that keeps us going. Love to you.
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