Letting go of having to know

I have spent so long walking in darkness, so long desperately wanting  to walk in the light that it has not occurred to me to simply walk in the darkness. I have never considered that perhaps the One who holds me in the palm of His hand can see in the dark. Acknowledging this would mean, of course, trusting more and since trust is not one of my strengths this might be easier said than done.

My spiritual director suggests that is it simpler than I am making it, and that it is more a case of letting go of having to know. None of us really walk knowing what is happening or what will be around the next corner, so all of us walk in darkness to some degree, that the small light we are given does not really push back the greater darkness that surrounds us. He says that perhaps I should stop holding my breath against possible further awfulness and just be where I happen to be more.

The thing about this Jesuit way is that it unseats the ingrained habits of a lifetime and takes me entirely unexpected places.